I think the reason that I want to be a writer is because I would never have to forget about anybody.
In life, you meet thousands of people. Out of these thousands of people, however, there are only a few that you will actually remain in contact with, like your best friend, or certain members of your family, or maybe a roommate from college. But what about all of the other people you met somewhere over the years? I guess the answer is fairly obvious: you forget about them. For most people, that is the simple truth; if someone is not directly in your life, they simply slip between the cracks of your memories and are forgotten. But this is not true for me. I rarely forget anyone, even if they were only in my life for a short time. I get so attached to people, and to the things that I experience with them. But the problem with this is that it is impossible to simply call up some of the people from my past and ask them to get coffee with me. And it's not because I wouldn't want to, either, because I assure you, I would; it's just socially unacceptable to do so. That sounds weird, but it's true.
For example, I can't call up guy friends that I had in high school, no matter how close we might have been back then, and start hanging out with them like normal again. This is because they probably have girlfriends now that would obviously disapprove, and I certainly couldn't blame them. And this will only grow truer the further removed from high school that we get, when marraige enters the picture. The only way that I could catch up with them then and tell them that I miss them without being perceived as a homewrecker (or a harlot, I love the word harlot, ha) would be to see them by chance, like in a grocery store, or somewhere similar. I could ask them how they were, and they would tell me they were fine, that they work for so-and-so now, that they have x number of kids now, etc. But that is not the kind of shallow connection I want to have with someone I used to be so close with. I want to ask them to come and spend time with me so we could really catch up. I would want to talk about the inside jokes that we used to have, or the incredibly stupid things that we did, the things that we got in trouble for, the things that used to make us laugh the hardest..but I can't. Those are conversations that can never be had after a certain amount of years, because people move on with their lives and certain friendships must be left in the past for necessity's sake. This upsets me, probably much more than it should. If they can move on, why can't I? Why can't I just look at an old picture and simply hope they are doing well without desperately wanting to talk to them again?
There are also ex-boyfriends to be considered. I can't contact them, either, and be like, "hey remember the time that_____ ? or remember how much fun we had at _____ ? I can't ask them to kiss me again for the simple reason of wanting to feel connected to them again, even if it was in a totally nonsexual way. Ex-boyrfriends are ex-boyfriends for a reason, and it's not like I would be trying to start things up again more than it would be just wanting to remember someone who I spent a lot of time with in my past. It's so strange to think about an ex and all of the hours and hours you spent with them, of the moments that you were sure beyond everything that they were the one, and of the time when you looked at them and knew that this was the end.
There are dozens and dozens of other people that I miss and can't talk to as well, like people I used to work with at one job or another, or people that I went to school with , or even people that I met only once. Most of these people I never got to know well enough to call up again years later, but that doesn't mean we didn't have a connection at one time or another, whether it was through hours of waiting tables together and complaining about less-than-pleasant guests, or through one great conversation we had, or through laughing hysterically at something.
Little connections are made with people everyday--sometimes with perfect strangers--but life is constantly pushing everyone in different directions, and it refuses to allow certain moments and people to come back to you through anything else but a photo album, or a memory. Because of this, I am so very thankful that I love to write; whenever I miss someone, I can turn them into a character and spend time with them again, remember everything that happened between us again. If I have ever met you, and we shared something together, even if it was small to the point of near-insignificance, chances are that I remember you, and even better that I probably miss you. So, if and when I am fortunate enough to have something published, look for glimpses of yourself in the pages that I have written :)
